the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
