New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
