youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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