I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
