just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize