just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
