My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize