Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
