I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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