She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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