well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
