I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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