I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You are the jesus of drinking
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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