im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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