a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
