I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize