My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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