i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
P.S. I can't hear my feet
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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