Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
