Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
