I wish I could punch you in the face.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
