I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize