Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The power of my boobs compel you
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
