No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
