hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
