She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
