i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
