So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
