I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
