Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize