1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize