I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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