My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
