3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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