did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize