i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just invented taco cereal.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
