Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
