Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
