and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
