He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
