I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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