onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
