I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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