Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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