I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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