Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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