I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
