"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
