Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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