So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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