So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
