woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
