Cold hands, warm shart.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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