omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
