She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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