I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
sarcasm needs its own font
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
