I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize