I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
