Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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