if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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