i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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