dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
