I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
