The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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